Sunday, November 29th, 2009
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4:26 am - Cross posted. Its been a while
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Ok so i know its been a while. HI FLIST! Um...i'm home on break right now and i head back to school around 1230 tomorrow. its been a pretty good break. I got to see just about every one for at least a few hours. I didnt get any hw done but that's kinda not surprising. When i get back to school i need to do sociology, psych, math, and communications. I finally think my issues with mike are resolved. He finally realized that something was wrong and he sincerely apologized to me which really means a lot. I think its going to be rough but if we both try we can work through this weird time that we're in.
I finally had a really good discussion with my mom. We talked for about 2 hour at like 1 am. We didnt fight or bicker or get mean. We really told each other about our lives and we really listened to each other. I think it was a step toward a better relationship.
I feel really bad about this whole lucy situation...i wish that for everyone's sakes, it would just blow over. I hope that lucy gets better. i dont know if she's really suicidal or just unhappy or if shes making the whole thing up but i hope that it gets squashed soon because at this point, its just hurting or annoying all parties involved.
I am still continually thankful for my friends and i always will be. I think sometimes though, I'm too supportive. I mean, like, I say things that are uplifting ALWAYS and i think sometimes people think its fake or like im trying to make every one like me. And thats true, i do wish that every one liked me but thats not why i always say nice things. I honestly just want my friends to know what high regard i hold them in. I never want them to think i take them for granted or that i dont need them around. I just hope that they dont think i'm just trying to be nice all the time.
I smoked a lottttttttt today. (cigs i dont do pot) I dont think i'll ever be ok with me smoking and i really do think that i'm just the kind of person who doesnt like to say no in those types of situations. And i do feel kinda responsible for Olivia smoking. I kinda feel like an outcast if i dont smoke...like, since all of my friends do but i do want to make a better effort to quit. I've done good up until recently but i know i could do better. I need to really reevaluate how important tobacco and nicotine are to me. I think if i found something else to do other than smoke when i join someone for a smoke break. or pick up an idle hobby to do instead of want to buy cigs. Maybe every time i attempt to spend 5.02 on smokes, i'll buy something else instead to show myself the money i could save. Right now im coughing to clear my throat....ugh.
I kinda wish that i wasnt going back to school until later tomorrow but i need to get stuff done too so earlier is prolly better. ughhhh i have stuff to get done.
We had a really good discussion tonight about life and religions and fears and all that. I hope that we get to have more of those...esp with Brandon. Gah, its so weird that i'll always hold a candle for him...i dont know how i feel about that. I wish i got this kind of intellegent discussion at school...its one of the things i miss most about being home. Ive also realized that i want to become the dot...and i hope i always remember what that means. I also hope that all of my friends find what they're looking for. I feel like we're always searching for something...answers to questions and stuff and i feel like we're not going to find all the answers but i do hope we find answers to those questions that are truly important. and i hope that we dont stop searching for answers just because its hard or frustrating because those are the answers most worth finding.
And now for some gratitudes which i wanna get back into because i've really been lax on that (and praying):
- friends
- family
- discussions that feed my mind and soul
- getting stuff off my chest and finally getting this mike situation a bit better handled.
- not hating being home
- my nephew
- my gram
- getting 3 thanksgivings
- sushi
- having money
- dressing up and feeling confident
- a potential internship if i dont blow it.
- talking....REALLY talking to my mom
- lucy being alive...even if shes scorned
- having rides places
- school even though its hard sometimes
- seeing alyse and ashley
- feeling more grown up and adult
- having a phone that has worked for months in succession.
- the cold...even though im a warm weather person
- makeup aka tribal paint
- feeling like a worth while and capable human being.
- getting this group project done sorta
ok. time to read a lil bit...look up some stuff for amy and get to bed.
good night and good luck <3
current mood:  content
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(comment on this)
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Monday, November 9th, 2009
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7:28 pm
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I'm sorry i havent been updating much but i hope that all is well! Not much to report but here are the high lights:
- I did a speech today and got a B on it...though i think i deserved an A,
- Had a good convo with amy last night.
- Money is COMPLETELY figured out
- Scheduled for next semester and got all the classes i wanted.
- Met with my advisor...hence the point above ^^
- Got extra hrs at work
- Bought the bathroom stuff i needed
- Starting to figure out my minors
- Scrubbed my rug.
I dunno...thats about it. I dressed pretty cute today and i got a complement on my hair. Let me know how you all are doing!!!! <3 mucho love.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, October 30th, 2009
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3:08 pm - No time right now but
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There will be an entry soon to come, detailing my life over the past week. Between financial aid and sickness...its been epic.
current mood: calm
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
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11:04 pm - random phrases. maybe lines in a poem later.
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tell me
how must we abide?
when its too expensive to live,
too expensive to die.
~~~~~~
Tell me
what do you judge her for?
are we not all skeletons at the core?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
we're all skeletons way down deep.
current mood:  sick
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(comment on this)
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Friday, October 23rd, 2009
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10:24 am
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I dont like when i'm annoyed even before i leave my room in the morning...just sayin. I get to go home today which will be nice (hopefully)....other than that, i hope every one has a good weekend!
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(comment on this)
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Friday, October 16th, 2009
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7:50 am - Hmmm
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Not really much to update about lately. I'm feelin pretty good. I've been having some good days this week. Ive gotten to see my peeps from home twice already this week and maybe a third time this weekend. I will be very glad when this day is over though! I have meetings and classes and all sorts of crazzzzzzzzyness. Hopefully my Greek prof is in a good mood because i have to miss his class to day for finaid stuff. But i'm still in good spirits. <3
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Monday, October 12th, 2009
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7:47 am
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I'm hoping today is a good day. I'm praying today is a good day. I'm up extra early for this work thing and i'm not a morning person so i'm trying to stay in a good mood and be on time. I'm asking God to help me squash a situation that occured at work on friday. Maybe i'll update about it at some point but it still puts me in a bad mood to think about so...not right now. But other than that ive been having a really good few days. This year is going so much better than last year. And i'm absolutely loving the fact that i'm keeping up with school so much better. I got to see friends from home last night because me and 3 friends from school had an impromptu mini road trip :) so that was really cool. Now, all i want is coffee and for this day to be over so i can sleep. I hope all of you have a good day! Leave me a comment about something good that happened if you'd like :)
current mood:  chipper
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Friday, October 2nd, 2009
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10:58 pm
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i feel some sort of way. like...depressed if depressed were just a dull ache. like i miss some one but i'm trying to be at peace with it. like i'm annoyed but satisfied at the same time. like i regret my decisions but at the same time am happy with the result. like i want to avoid talking to some one but i want to talk to them too. like i feel at home but out of place. like i'm sad and embarrassed but at the same time i just dont care. like i wanna do bad stuff but some thing makes me not want to at the same time. like i love what i love but with a hit of irritation. like i'm lonely but i want to be alone.
i feel like i'm caught in so many in betweens right now...
current mood:  blank
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Sunday, September 13th, 2009
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11:57 pm
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I suddenly got very sad. that happens some times but i never get used to it.
i definitely need to study
i need to finish reading all the books im in....i WISH i read faster
i'm really jealous of olivia
i wish school was as easy for me as it is for her.
all the VMA drama is already annoying me but i understand why people are making a big to-do about it.
i wish i could visit my friends.
ok i'm done bitching now.
current mood:  cold
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 9th, 2009
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3:25 pm
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at work
bored
wishing i was in my room
wishing i had a paycheck
wishing i had a nice Malibu Shooter (coconut rum, calua, and mango smoothie. dont ask me where i heard it from.)
wishing i was talking to my friends!!!!
current mood: blank
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, September 3rd, 2009
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2:27 pm - Changes and Updates
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I'm at work right now with nothing to do so i figured now would be a good time to explain a change and give ya'll a better update on my life. So, you may have noticed that suddenly entries disappeared from view. That is because I made a ton of my entries private. I did this after attending my communications class. My professor spent the entire class on the evils of the internet. How facebook pictures can end up on gay porn sites and how blogs have gotten people fired or in trouble. How marriages have fallen apart because of emailing. Just horrible stuff. So now im becoming more careful about what i put out on the internet. I'm starting with my 5 million on line journals. I'm deactivating some accounts (possibly. but not this one of course) and i'm making some old entries private. I realized that some of the things i've written on here in the past could be taken the wrong way, or skewed against me, or in some other way misused. I've gone through and made all of those entries private. I will of course still be posting public entries about my life...i'm just learning the value of privacy. *Wipes brow* OK now that that is out of the way, here's more updates on my life:
--Classes:
>Communications isnt horrible. I'm not excited about having to purchase an online account or what ever but other that that its good. I have a great prof and the material actually is based on a lot of psych principles.
>My math class is one of the first math classes ive ever been in and not felt like a 100% failure.
> Greek is super interesting and super hard. I'm horrible at english grammar so greek grammar is that much harder. But the prof is pretty knowledgeable and there's a brutally hot guy named Yanic in there. He's from greece, greek is his native language so he has a darling accent. He has Mediterranean skin and perfect teeth and hair...but i digress :)
>Sociology is ok. I fall asleep in it though because the prof is really boring.
>Psychology is fab as usual.
--People
>The besties from home are doing well as far as i know. One of them got a really good job and another is glad to be back with all of her school chums. I'm really proud of my younger friends who just went off to their first year of school. They're all taking to the changes wonderfully.
>The roomies are working out well. One is sick :( so that sucks. They bought me a belated birthday cake so that was really nice of them.
>The new freshman at school are kind of wild. Really over the top. Some of them are rude and ignorant...but you'll find that in any group. I've met a couple of nice ones at least.
--Work
>Bosses are cracking down this year. I have a new boss and i really miss my old one.
> Coworkers are ok. Most of the new people are picking it up quickly.
--Family
>All is well as far as i know.
Other than that i'm just trying to make this year better than last year. I'm adopting a non offensive policy. As in, i'm done being easily offended. It just ends up tearing me apart in the end so I'm done. Ive also made it a goal to get on deans list by the end of spring...which, honestly, is completely feasible. Im done being not confident. All it does is make me look frumpy and uncomfortable. I refuse to be a whiny bitch anymore (except for on here...sorry flist). I'm going to make more of an effort to put my self out there relationship wise. It sucks getting rejected but it happens to everyone so I dont care about rejection anymore...it'll just make meeting the right person that much better. Basically i grew up a lot from last year. This summer helped me to realize that its all on me...if i want my life to be awesome, i have to make it that way. If i want it, i have to get it. I still depend on my friends a bit for motivation... but ive become more assertive. I'm getting healthier. I've almost completely cut out pop (and when i do drink it its generally diet). I'm more calorie/sodium conscious and i'm exercising a bit more. I've gotten my roomies to do it with me...sorta. I'm trying to meditate, pray, and read the Bible more to take care of my spirit because ive found that those three things really do help me to be able to handle things more. I'm meeting new people and making new friends. I still go to parties (toga party in 2 weeks...nooo drinking for me :) But now i get my hw done and i stay on top of things. I'm wearing make up and trying to make my self more presentable because it makes me feel like i'm not just the frumpy loud girl to the left...i'm an active contributing member of society. This year is off to a good start in my opinion and im done HOPING it will stay that way. I INTEND to keep it that way. I'm taking the reigns and steering my self in the right direction. No more hiding, no more fear. It doesnt solve anything to run away like i used to. I am just as strong as the next person and this is my year to prove what i can do!
(^^geeze, you might have thought i was writing a Chicken Soup for the Self Helper's Soul book)
If, after reading all this, you're not too exhausted. Please, leave me a comment about your goals. Could be for the semester, the school year, the fall/winter, the month. Any goal. Goals keep a person focused and breed determination. YAY GOALS!
current mood:  determined
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Monday, August 31st, 2009
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10:28 pm
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SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED IN FOREVER. i dont have time to right now but heres the head lines:
- summer ended well
- i'm back at school
- my roomies are fab this year
- classes are going well
- i'm learning greek
- all the friends and fam are well.
thats it for now. promise to update fully later.
let me know how your lives are!
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, August 19th, 2009
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2:43 am
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im not excited about going to work tomorow
i hope me and ashley dont have a falling out
im sad that i'm starting to say goodbye to my friends
gah.
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Sunday, August 2nd, 2009
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2:44 am
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Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
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1:42 am
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Sunday, July 19th, 2009
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11:58 pm
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im not going to be a good psychologist
im practically begging for a boyfriend
i cant get a hold of my self
after hanging out with my friends i feel exhausted and worthless
current mood:  aggravated
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Saturday, July 18th, 2009
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4:01 am - I'm in a really weird mood
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\\ I wish i had someone to talk to
\\ I wish i had a boyfriend
\\ I'm tired of my friends relationship drama and i feel bad about it and i know that if i had a relationship i wouldnt feel the same way.
\\ I watch twilight for the [6th] time today.
\\ I like talking to JD but i dont feel right about it
\\ I'm afraid that my financial aid is screwed up.
\\ I cant spend any more money this summer
\\ I like the phrases "trippin balls" and "bitchin".
\\ I cant get over the song Albertine by Brooke Fraser
\\ I dont trust my friends as much as i should
\\ I'm tired of being fat
\\ I'm tired of smoking
\\ I'm tired of being a follower.
\\ Venting makes me feel better in case you didnt know
\\ I still feel like i'm being more of a bitch lately
\\ I got to spend time with Joni tonight so i dont think she hates me
\\ I handled my own against noah
\\ I'm excited about my back massager and scarf (even though its summer)
\\ I'm beyond pumped that I really did find new music that i like
\\ Mikie likes kera again....he hasnt actually said it but EVERYONEEEEEE can tell
\\ Sometimes i think i'm attracted to natalie
\\ I need to return my library books.
\\ Fin
I'm in a really weird mood. I'm just going to go to bed...what evs.
current mood:  discontent
current music: Albertine by Brooke Fraser
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, July 12th, 2009
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1:59 pm
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Sorry i havent posted in a while. My computer was working against me and a whole bunch of other stuff. I dont have time to properly update right now but I promise I will post with a proper life evaluation soon. Until then, I hope all my friends are doing well!
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
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2:28 am
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I'm not over drafted by 700 dollars like I thought I was
God is so good to me.
I have the best adviser in the world
My friends (my truly good friends) are amazing
I'm joining a new club
My life doesnt seem to be so scary and pathless anymore
Things are looking up.
And now some of my favorite songs about God:
God is able to do just what he said he will do.
He's gonna fulfill every promise to you.
Dont give up on God and He wont give up on you.
He's able!
*****************************************************************
For God is our rock.
Hope of salvation.
A strong deliverer
In Him will I always trust.
Glory glory
In all things
Give Him glory.
Jesus, blessed savior
He's worthy do be praised.
*****************************************************************
Put it in Gods hands
Put it in God's hands.
I wish I could,
But only God can.
God can do anything,
God can do anything.
I wish I could
But only God can.
****************************************************************
In no way am I trying to force my religious beliefs on anyone else. But I love God and one of my favorite ways to express that is through song. Basically, what I'm saying is I try my hardest to respect everyone's opinion and I hope I dont offend anyone with my God talk.
current mood: thankful
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, July 4th, 2009
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2:14 am
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I want to update but I have too much in me to speak on right now. Maybe soon...but not right now.
current mood:  indescribable
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